I'm back! How was it for you - the Xmas holiday season? What's that? Seen one, seen 'em all? You should be thankful for all that madness, inebriation and frivolity - you will probably have missed a lot of the bad news.

As you now return to the sanity of wondering how on earth you are going to pay for all the excesses of the past few weeks, let me remind you as you may have forgotten (or missed it entirely - Xmas is always a good time to bury bad news) that the figures released by the Office of National Statistics revealed our income tax burden had reached its highest level since records began. Since Labour came to power the nation's tax bill has risen by a staggering £219 billion. It rose by 3.1% in the three months to October - and 9.2% since the start of 2006. Also at the highest level since records began are our household debt levels. They now stand just short of £1,300 billion. Happy New Year, folks!

Other news that may only now be becoming apparent - especially to all those affected by the rail strikes over the holidays because some train personnel were happy to sacrifice £200 a day to have the time off - are the massive increases in rail fares. Season tickets and some off-peak fares - those fares that are controlled by the government - increase by 4.3%, whilst other fares rise by anything up to 7.3%. That's increases of up to around three times the target rate of inflation.

Now call me stupid or old-fashioned, but isn't that going to put people off travelling by train? And how does it fit in with the government's 10-year plan for transport? Oh, you've forgotten about that, have you? Let me remind you. It's where they promised us that by 2010 we would see big improvements to our trains. There would be less overcrowding, for one. Well, yes they could be right with that bit if people can't afford the tickets! But what about the rest of that policy? What about the promise of better reasons for people to leave their cars at home and take to travelling by train? The save the planet bit? Higher rail fares won't help that cause, will they?

O Ye of little faith! Forget the rise in the rail fares - just watch out for the massive increases that will soon have to be borne by all the road travellers. Congestion charges in our towns and cities nationwide, tolls on some of our roads and motorways, higher parking charges and more restrictions, stiffer driving tests, and the change in the vehicle licensing along with fuel taxes - it's no secret, it's all either already in the pipeline or is being openly talked about! - will ensure that no matter how much the rail fares rise now, we will soon still be tempted to travel by train - and what a good idea it was to get those rail fares increased first!

When the government has lost the moral ground to fight the next election on taxation then it has nothing to lose by taxing us even further, through the roof, in an effort to improve services. Sadly, like with the health and education services, no matter how much extra they tax us, and no matter how much more money they throw at them, I cannot see our railways dramatically improving, and neither can the railway bosses. This government has thrown untold amounts of money - our money - at everything it could in an effort to see some improvement. Quid pro quo it has not worked out. What were really needed were good ideas, but they didn't have them.

Despite all the money thrown at our health service, wards and even complete hospitals are closing, people are dying in ever increasing numbers from infections caught in hospital, the standard of care is not what it used to be, and more and more health service staff are being made redundant. It's a similar story with education. The money spent has increased remarkably yet the standard of education continues to fall, year on year, further behind that found in some other European countries where once we were the leader.

The latest bad news concerns our armed forces. In unprecedented actions, more and more distinguished senior officers are being outspoken about the serious lack of investment in the security of our nation. We are hearing about shortfalls in equipment - and yet only this week we have been told the government are looking to make even more drastic cuts. Half of our navy may be mothballed, and some believe government officials are trying to find a way to justify axing the planned two new aircraft carriers.

General Sir Michael Rose recently wrote in the Independent On Sunday: "In the past six years, the Prime Minister has presided over a near-catastrophic decline in defence spending which has put our soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan at considerable, and quite unnecessary risk." And Admiral Sir Alan West, First Sea Lord until his retirement, has likened our Ministry of Defence to those of "tinpot countries" which neglected to invest in major military equipment.

In the past few days we've heard of shorter gaps between tours of duty for our army lads and lasses, serious concerns over their kit, disputes over (thought to be) promised pay and allowances, and appalling conditions in the accommodation for the service families back home. And, as if all that wasn't enough, figures released from the Defence Analytical Support Agency reveal that, in the year up to last June, 14,460 people quit the Army and, in spite of an extra £3.6 million of our money being thrown at recruitment drives, the numbers of people joining up remain significantly fewer than those experienced soldiers choosing to leave. It's a recipe for disaster!

The lifespan of a chicken is around 5 to 10 years, but sometimes it can go on for as long as 12 to 15 years - as any gay guy can tell you!

Eh? What? Chickens? Gay guys? What's happening here? Has she finally flipped?

No darlings, I haven't flipped my lid. It's just that I predict that 2007 will be the year that many of this government's chickens finally come home to roost.

You may be asking: but why this year? We've had quite a few bad years from them, and it seems that barring a miracle there are still more to suffer. But then that would mean you had also missed the story where, in breaking with the tradition of 522 years, a woman has become the Tower of London's first ever female Beefeater. Now if that doesn't ruffle a few feathers and cause the Ravens to flee, then nothing will!

Moving on swiftly, and talking of miracles, I hate stories that are never followed up. Those of which you never learn the outcome. One that springs to mind is about Flora - the dragon involved in an immaculate conception. Three of the eleven eggs she laid last May somehow became broken. On investigation they were found to contain embryos, proving beyond any doubt that they had been fertilised. There's nothing wrong with that, you may be thinking - until you learn that this Komodo dragon at Chester Zoo has never met a male of the species. Subsequent DNA testing has proven that Flora is both the mother and father of the fertile eggs which were due to hatch around Xmas time.

Whilst there are several species of lizards known to be able to self-fertilise - have immaculate conceptions, if you like - it has apparently never before happened with drag on - and on here that has to be far too good a story to miss! So, has anybody seen a bright star recently? Or perhaps the three wise men?

Er . . . Do we actually have three wise men?

See you next week . . .

"The Bitch!" 5/01/07.

About the Author

"The Bitch!", a weekly UK News Review column, is hosted by the author and columnist Michael Knell. These articles appear on the Blackpool Gay Directory website, but are not specifically gay in content. More information on the author: http://www.michaelknell.com and on the directory: http://www.astabgay.com.